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(Youngun's Stay Away !!!)

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I would like to dedicate this page to my late mother, Juanita Collins Rhine.
Her years of love and devotion were the catalyst for my ongoing interest
in the South and the "days of yesteryear." It is our language and our heritage,
and I'm proud to be a part of it. Thanks MOM. I Love You, and Miss You.

Nobody Nose The South Like I Do !!!

A

Abonus -- Closeby -- "Next thang I knew, the truck was rat abonus"

Ackshul -- Actual

Actin' a Fool -- Being Stupid

Adam -- Item

Adam's Off Ox -- Meaning about the same as "I don't know him from Adam" -- The off ox was the ox on the off-side of the vehicle (wagon or cart), on the left-hand side of the team, furthest from the driver, lease visible; thereby, the least well-known.

Addled or Addle-Brained -- Mixed-up; Confused; Just Plain Stupid

Afore -- Before

Agin -- Again

Agin -- Against

Agoin -- Going

Ah -- Eye

Ahcyst -- To help

Ah-herd-at -- I heard that

Ahh-ight/Awrite/Ahrite -- All Right

Ahma -- I'm-a (Ahma gonna go to town)

Aholt of -- Ahold of

Ahpreshadit -- I appreciate it

Ahr -- Hour

Ahsupso -- I suppose so

Aigs -- Eggs

Ailbo -- Elbow

Aiming To -- Planning To

Aink pen -- Pen

Ainomo -- Ain't No More

Ain't -- Your parent's sister; "Am Not"

Ain't Heard Tell of Him/Her In Years -- Haven't Seen or Heard Of

Ain't Seen Hide Nor Hair -- Haven't Seen At All

Aintcha -- Aren't you ?

Air-Up -- To Add Air to

Aksorb -- Absorb

Algebra -- Female Fungus -- "She's Got A Case Of Alge-bra"

All -- Motor Lubricant (Prevents Verbal and Idiotic Breakdown)

All Day Singin'& Dinner on the Ground -- Special
Summer Church Service

All Hell Broke Loose -- Trouble Started

All Y'all -- Everyone

All Over You Like White on Rice -- Threat, usually followed by a whuppin'

All Over You Like A Cheap Suit -- Threat

Allerbammer -- Alabama

Almos -- Almost

A-mite -- Quite

Ammalance -- Emergency Vehicle

Anar -- 60 Minutes

Anheuser -- And How's Her. . . ?

Anomaly -- I Normally

Antonym -- Parent's sister & her Family -- I'm Gonna See My Antonym this Weekend

Ants in Your Pants -- Nervous, Excited, Need to Pee

Aorta -- I Ought To -- Aorta Kick Yore Ass !

Apern -- Apron

Apiece -- Each; A Certain Distance

Arapaho -- Native American * or * Prostitute With A Boombox

Argon -- Northwestern State * or * Arguing

Arite -- All right

Armadillo -- Possum on the Half-Shell

Armageddon -- I'm A-Getting

Arn -- Iron

Arsh Taters -- Irish Potatoes

Ary -- Not a one

Askeered -- Scared

Ass -- Only part of Anatomy that seems to get into trouble
-- "I got my ASS kicked last night."

Assimilate -- "I see I'ma late. I'll try to be on time next time."

Assmosis -- Assimilation; ie: If you hang around assholes long enough, you become like them.

Ast -- Ask

Ate/Aight -- 7 + 1

Attair -- "That there"

Attaways -- That way

Atter while -- After a while

Attlduit -- That will do it

Aways -- Distant

Awbenny -- Capital of New Yawk

Awduh -- To request -- (I'll awduh some coffee)

Awf -- Off

Awfis -- Office

Awful tar -- Extremely exhausted

Awful tar (#2) -- Tall Tower in Paris

Awl -- Engine lubricant

Awrat -- All Right

Awwul -- Georgia's pronunciation of Oil

Axed -- Asked

AY-Rab -- Native of North Africa

B

Bad off -- In need of

Bad To The Bone -- Rotten to the Core; Unacceptable Behavior

Bagel -- Opposite of "little 'ol"

Bahs (or Bawz) -- Supervisor

Bail -- Ringing instrument (eg: Dinner Bail)

Bald -- Results of water hotter than 212 Degrees F

Balks -- Box

Ball-Eyed Bloody Bones -- Something That Is Scary

Balmore (or Balmer)-- Maryland's Largest City

Bama -- Alabama

Bar -- Bear

Bar Code -- Rules of the local saloon

Bar left -- Turn left at the fork in the road

Bard -- Borrowed

Barge Right In -- To Interrupt without warning

Barn -- Using with promise to repay

Bated (Baited) Breath -- Anticipation

Bathin' Trunks -- Swimsuit

Bat Out Of Hell -- Usually refers to something moving very fast

Battree -- Battery

Bawl -- Boil

Beals -- Bills

Bear Down -- Press/Push Down Hard

Beat Around the Bush -- Avoid an Issue

Beat Up -- Worn Out

Beats The Heck/Hell Out Of Me -- Stumped; No Solution to be Found

Becon -- Bacon

Been Had -- To Have Been Taken Advantage Of

Beg -- Grocery container, usually paper or plastic

Beg -- Not little

Begun -- Big one

Beheaded -- Destination (Where you beheaded?)

Beholden -- Indebted

Bellow -- Yell; Wail; Cry; Scream; Making a Lot of Racket

Bells and Whistles -- All the amenities or features

Bent Out of Shape -- Mad

Better stay with us -- Goodbye

Benz -- Being As

Bicamel -- 2-Chambered Legislature

Bidness -- Business

Bidness/Biness -- Business

Big 'Ol Hee Haw-Looking Boy -- Handsome Young Man

Big 'Ol HeeHaw Lookin' Guy -- Redneck

Big-ass -- Large

Big Deal -- So What?

Big Shot -- An Important Person (or someone who thinks he/she is)

Biggity -- Egotistical

Bile/Biled -- Boil/Boiled

Birfday -- Birthday

Bleeding Like A Stuck Hog -- Bleeding Profusely

Bleeve -- Believe

Blind Drunk -- So Drunk, you can't see straight

Bloomers -- Underwear

Blowed up -- Exploded

Blue Plate Special -- Meal of the Day

Bob War -- Barbed wire

Bodacious -- Extraordinary

Bondo -- Auto Body Work

Bone Yard -- Cemetery

Booger -- Snot

Booze -- Liquor

Borned -- Born

Bot -- Boat

Bottle -- Battle

Boundta -- Certain to happen

Bowed-up -- Out of shape

Brand New (Brand Spanking New) -- Never used

Brang -- Bring

Braying like a Mule -- Making a Lot of Racket

Breakfast -- What the Yankees don't eat -- they eat "Brunch" -- In the South, Breakfast occurs around 6:00 a.m.

Break The Ice -- To Make A Beginning

Bright-Eyed and Bushy-Tailed -- Alert and Excited or Ready to Go

Britches -- Pants

Broke -- Without Money

Brother'n -- Brethren

Brought Up -- Raised

Brunch -- A meal that doesn't usually happen in the South -- if we eat between breakfast and Dinner, it's called "gettin summndeat"

Brung -- Brought

Brung -- Brought

Bub -- Bulb

Bubba -- Friend or "Mister" Names of Half of Southern Male Population

Bubba Sue -- Baby Sister

Bucks -- Books

Buick -- Sound made when throwing up

BullSh*t -- Not True

Bum -- Bomb

Bon In The Oven -- Pregnant

Burnt -- Burned

Butt Ugly -- Unattractive

Buttermilk -- Curdled Milk that tastes reel gud

Buy The Farm -- To Die

By and By -- Now and Then

C

Cahoots -- In Collaboration With

Caint -- Cannot

Cancun -- Mexican City ** or ** Preserved Southern Food

Capitul -- Capitol or Capital

Capt -- Except

Car Tag -- License Plate

Carry -- Take or drive

Carry On -- To continue to act or talk incessantly: "All she did was to carry on about her old man."

Cartun/Cotton -- Carton

Cat Got Your Tongue? -- You Don't Have Something To Say?

Catty-cornered (cater-cornered) -- crooked

Cattywumpus -- Out of Kilter

Cause -- Because

Cauterize -- Caught her eyes

Cawdja -- Called You

Cekertery -- Secretary

Cement Pond -- Swimming Pool

Chake -- Bank Document (eg: Cashier's Chake)

Charley/Charlie Horse -- Muscle Cramp

Chaw -- Plug of chewing tobacco

Chayer -- Chair

Cheer -- Chair

Chester Drawers -- Chest of Drawers

Chick -- Check or female

Chill bumps -- Goosebumps

Chillun -- Children

Chimley -- Chimney

Chincy -- Cheap

Chip of the Old Block -- Spitting Image (exact likeness)

Chip on Your Shoulder -- Carrying a Grudge, or Display of Smugness

Chirren -- Children

Chitlin's -- Hog entrails, a.k.a. Chitterlings

Chivverlay -- Chevrolet

Choirprakter -- Chiropractor

Chunk -- To Throw: "He chunked that rock through the window"

Chur -- What's Your

Churt --"Are You Hurt"

Ciggerrats -- Cigarettes

Civil War -- War Between The States

Clabbered Milk -- Buttermilk

Clean Your Plate -- Eat All Your Food

Clean Your Clock -- Whup Your Butt

Clean Your Plow -- See Clean Your Clock

Clinics -- Kleenex

Clodhoppers -- Feet (Especially big ones)

Clone -- Cologne

Coal -- Common Sickness

Coal Oil -- Kerosene

Coat -- Court

Coat House -- Court House

Cocola -- The Real Thing

Coke -- Soda, Pop, or Soda Pop -- ANY brand of Soft Drink

Come Hell or High Water -- No Matter What

Come On and Go with us -- Goodbye

Come up a Cloud -- Startin' to rain

Commence -- Begin

Commentator -- Just a regular tater

Comminist -- Communist

Confederate Flag -- National Flag

Conniption Fit -- Going Totally Berserk; Out Of Control

Contrary -- Onery; Stubborn

Cookin' Fat -- That "Other" White Meat

Cotton -- Carton

Couldn't Cut Butter With A Hot Knife -- Inept; Dumb

Couldn't Hit The Broad Side of the Barn -- Poor Shot

Country-fied -- Raised in the Country

County Seat -- Where the Coat House is

Courtin' -- Dating

Cow Pie -- Cow Droppings (when dried, becomes substitute for firewood, fertilizer, or a Frisbee)

Cowrees -- Measurement of Heat

Cow-Tipping -- Act of sneaking up on a sleeping cow (cows sleep standing up) and pushing/tipping them over

Cracker -- Poor White People -- derogatory term used to mean Poor White Trash

Crack the Window -- Open the window

Crap -- Sh*t

Crapper -- Outhouse/bathroom/toilet

Crawfish, Crawdads, Mudbugs -- Crayfish

Creek -- Stiffness in neck

Crick -- Stiffness in neck

Crine -- Weeping

Critter -- Animal

Crock of Sh*t -- BullSh*t

Croker Sack -- Sack made from Burlap

Cumeer -- Come here

Cuss -- Swear

Cussin' -- Cursing; Swearing

Cussin' Like A Sailor -- Swearing profusely

Cut the light on -- Turn the light on

Cut The Mustard -- To Succeed; To Meet Expectations

Cutawf -- Cut off

Cuttin' Up -- Acting Silly

Cuz -- Cause, because, or cousin

Cuzints -- Cousins

Cypher -- Count

D

Dadblame it -- Dammit

Dad-blamed -- Damned

Dadburnit -- Slang

Dadgum -- Slang

Dagnabit -- Slang

Daid -- Not alive

Daintz -- Dance

Dale -- Computer Company

Dammit -- Damn it

Damnyankee -- Anyone that reads these pronunciations, and still can't say them

Dang -- Damn

Dawfins -- Miami Pro-Football Team

Dawg -- Canine

Dawgone -- Slang

Dead As A Doornail -- With Certainty, No Sign Of Life

Deadhead -- Worthless, Lazy, Useless

Debbil -- Devil

Deep Sh*t -- In Big Trouble

Deevorce -- Divorce

Defense -- The Bob War that Keeps the Cows In

Dem -- Them

Dem Dare -- Those

Deppity/Deppidy -- Deputy

Dese -- These

Devil May Care -- Unconcerned Attitude

Devil to Pay -- Hell to Pay

Dey -- They

Did -- Dead

Diddnit -- Didn't It ?

Diddy -- Daddy

Diddly Squat -- What Most People Don't Know; small, worthless amount

Diddly Sh*t -- See Diddly Squat

Didjer -- Did Your...

Didju/Didja/Dju -- Did you ?

Difernt -- Different

Dinner -- What the Yankees call Lunch; in the South, Dinner occurs at 12:00 noon, or slightly thereafter

Dip Sh*t -- Stupid Person

Direrear -- The Runs

Ditty -- Daddy * or * Humdinger, Song, Doozie, Hoot

Ditty Bop -- Strolling Along Happily With No Apparent Purpose or Destination

Dive -- "Ho" House

Dixie -- National Anthem

Do Da -- "does the" -- "Do da bus stop here?"

Doan -- Don't

Dog Tired -- Exhausted

Dog Trot -- Covered Passageway between two parts
of a house or building

Doggonit -- Slang (See Dadburnit)

Doin's -- Functions

Dolly Parton -- Got Milk ??

Done -- Finished

Don't let your catfish mouth override your tadpole ass -- Don't say something you don't intent to do

Don't Mean Diddly Squat -- Worthless

Don't Know Your Head From A Hole In The Ground -- Don't Know What You're Talking About

Doo Doo -- Number 2

Doozie -- Really Special

Double Naught -- "00"

Double-dog -- A dare that cannot be refused (of lesser severity than a triple-dog dare)

Down in the back -- Back injury

Down Pat -- Knowing Something Inside and Out
-- "I got my algebra down pat"

Down To Earth -- Practical

Drank -- Drink

Drawed Up -- Shrank

Drawers -- Underwear

Dreckly -- As soon as I can (Directly)

Dressed to the Nines -- All Decked Out; Dressed Very Well

Drive Me UP The Wall -- Worry Me

Drount -- Drowned

Drug -- Dragged

Drunk as a Skunk -- Inebriated beyond all control

Drunk On His Ass -- Totally Inebriated

Drunker'n Cootie Brown -- See Drunk as a Skunk

Druthers -- Usually, the lesser of two evils: "If I had my druthers, I'd rather marry the gal than get shot by her Pa"

Dubba-wide -- Trailer that's twice as large as a single-wide

Dub-ya -- "W"

Duct Tape -- One of the 7 Wonders of the World

Duitcher -- Do what your. . .

Dumbn'r a Bag of Hammers -- Really Dumb; Without a Clue

E

Each -- Eat Your -- "I'm gonna each your food, if you don't."

Ear -- Air

Eat Crow -- Living with the realization that something you said or did was proven wrong

Eat Dirt -- See Eat Crow

Eat My Hat -- Boast that you are correct, or you will "Eat Your Hat" if proven Wrong

Eat Your Heart Out -- Worry Excessively (usually about Love in General)

Eat Your Own Words -- Proven Wrong

Eel -- Sick

Egg On -- Prod, Coerce

Eggnernt/Egnrant/Iggnernt/Iggnerant -- Ignorant

Eggspecked -- Expect

Eggzackly -- Exactly

Elephant Sodee -- A Coca-Cola with peanuts in the bottle

Emersom -- Them are some .. .

Enginear -- Driver of a train Enuff -- Enough

Et -- Ate

Ethyl -- Gasoline

Etup -- Consumed

Eventchly -- Eventually

Everwichways -- Scattered in all directions

Everwonsinawhahl -- Every once in a while

Evun -- Equal

Extry -- Extra

F

Possum a/k/a Full-Course Meal

Fabbercate -- To make up or build

Faid -- Fed

Fair to Middlin' -- OK, But Could Be Better

Fall -- File

Faller -- Opposite of lead

Fall For -- To Take A Liking To

Fanger -- Finger

Far -- Fire

Fard -- Opposite of Backward; Terminated

Fark -- Three or four-pronged eating utensil

Farn -- Not from the immediate vicinity

Farscape -- Fire Escape

Farstone -- Tire Manufacturer

Fart -- Pass Gas -- Something Southern Women Don't Do (or won't admit to; see Poot

Faster'n Greased Lightnin' -- Extremely fast

Fatter'n a Tick -- Full (usually after a large meal)

Fatter'n a Tub of Lard -- Obese

Favor -- Resemble

Favrit -- Favorite

Fawl -- Thin Aluminum Sheets, usually for storing or cooking

Fawl (#2) -- Season following Summer

Fayir -- Fear

Fayun -- Fan

Feller -- Fellow

Fer -- For; Animal Hair

Fergit -- Forget

Fess up -- Confess

Fetch -- To Retrieve

Few -- If you

Fiddle Fart Around -- To Waste Time

Figger -- Figure

Figure -- In this sense: believe; "I figure I'll go to town today"

Finer'n' frog hair'n better'n chicken lips -- Beautiful or Wonderful

Fine Kettle/Kittle of Fish -- A Mess that You've Gotten Yourself Into

Finnin' -- Fixing To

Fit as a Fiddle -- In Extremely Good Shape

Fit to be tied -- Extremely upset

Fittin' Get Eel -- Fixin' to get ill

Fix -- Repair

Fixin' -- Going to or preparing to

Fixin' to Open Up a Can 'O Whoop Ass -- Ready to Fight

Fixins' -- Condiments; All the trimmings

Flar -- Cooking Ingredient; a plant

Flars -- Flowers

Floozie -- Prostitute

Flosswater -- Fly swatter

Flow/Flo * or * flaw -- Floor

Flo-wa -- Floor

Flustered -- Frustrated

Fo -- 3 + 1

Fode -- Car and truck manufacturer

Foot -- Feet

Ford -- Ahead; President that trips

Fordyfo -- Fordythree + 1

Fo-wa * or * fower -- Four

Fractious -- Quick-tempered

Frade/Fraid -- Afraid

Fra-id -- Mrs. Flintstone's husband

Fraizin' -- Uncomfortably cold

Frayed -- Afraid

Frettin' -- Pouting

Frog-stranglin' stem-windin' gully-washer -- downpour

Fron chard -- Opposite of the back yard

Frum -- From

Frunt -- Opposite of Back

Fur Piece -- Long Way

Fussed -- First

G

Galluses -- Suspenders

Gas -- What Bubba leaves after a meal

Gater -- Alligator

Gawl-darned -- G.D.

Geezer -- Term of Endearment, usually for an older person; also an "Old Fart"

Gemmun -- Gentleman

Gettin' On My Last Nerve -- Aggravating Me To No End

Get Shed Of -- To Get Rid Of

Get Your Sh*t Together -- Calm Down; Re-gain Control Of Yourself

Giddaholdayew -- To Contact You

Gimme Some Sugar -- Give Me A Kiss

Ginnywine -- Real

Git -- Get

Git by with -- Get away with

Git shed of / get shy of -- Get rid of

Gitcher -- "Gitcher butt inside rat now"

Gitgo -- From the beginning

Glad Rags -- Good Clothes

Go bad

Spoil Go Head On (Go Ahead On) -- Proceed

Go To Pot -- Deteriorate

Goal -- Gold

Going to Hell in a Handbasket -- On the Road to Ruin

Going to the Dogs -- On the Road to Ruin

Gonna -- Going to

Goobers -- Peanuts

Good Golly -- Goodness Gracious

Good 'Ol Boys -- Most of the Southern Male Population

Goodjeer -- Tire Manufacturer

Goody Two Shoes -- Thought that you are better than others; self-righteous

Got A Notion -- Thinking About: "I got a notion to get me a new truck."

Got Half-a-Mind -- Almost Decided: "I got half-a-mind to wear you out"

Got His/Her Nose Out Of Joint -- Angry

Got His/Her Panties In A Wad -- Angry

Got Hold -- Got -- "I got hold of a good deal on my truck."

Got My/Your Goat (Embarrased You/Me *OR* Made You/Me Mad) -- "Boy, it really got my goat when Bill Clinton got elected."

Got Your Ass Out Of Joint -- Agitated

Got Your Nose Out Of Joint -- Agitated

Governor -- Speed control on motor

Gozinda -- Mathematical term for division -- "Two gozinda Six three times"

Grain -- Color of healthy grass

Grammer -- Your Grandma's other name

Granchurn -- Grand Children

Granny -- 'Yo Grandma

Great Day In The Mornin' -- Expression of Suprise or Bewilderment

Green Bening the Ears -- Unrefined; inexperienced (also see Rough as a Cob)

Greens -- leafy vegetables; mustard, collard, or turnip in variety

Gretbig -- Huge

Grinnin' From Ear to Ear -- Extremely Happy

Grinnin' Like A Cat Eatin' Briars -- Extremely Happy; Grinning from Ear to Ear

Grinnin' Like A Possum -- Extremely Happy

Gripe -- Complain

Groan -- Increased in size

Growed Up -- Grown Up

Grudge -- Vehicular Parking Place

Gud -- Good

Guf -- Gulf

Gull -- Female

Gully Warsher -- Large amount of rain

Gummint -- Government

Gummint -- Government

Gunny Sack -- Sack made from jute or hemp

Gussied-Up -- Presentable Appearance

Guvvner -- Head of State Gummint

Gwina -- Going to

H

Haid -- Head

Hail -- Hell

Haint -- Ghost or apparition

Hair -- Opposite of there

Hairbrained/Harebrained -- Not Too Bright; Without Any Justification or Purpose

Half-Ass/Assed -- Halfway Completed (see Shoddy); or someone that only partially does their work

Haller -- Hollow

Haller (# 2) -- Yell

Hang -- Turn

Hang Fire -- See Heck Fire

Hanker -- Strong Desire

Hankering -- See Hanker: "I have a hankering to buy me a new boat"

Happier'n A June Bug -- Extremely Joyful

Hard -- Hired

Hard Road -- Paved Highway

Haul Ass -- Go Fast

Have Your Cake and Eat It Too

Having a Bone To Pick -- Dispute or Argument

Hawass -- Go Fast; Haul Ass

Hawaya/Hawayee -- Hawaii

Hawg -- Hog

Hawsez -- Horses

Hay -- Hello

Haze -- He's

Heah -- Here

Heap Of Trouble -- In a Lot of Trouble (See Deep Sh*t)

Hear Tell -- Something You've Been Made Aware Of: "I Hear Tell that He Just Sold His Mule"

Heaven -- The South

Heavens to Betsy/Heavens to Murgatroyd -- For Goodness Sakes

Heavy Dew -- Have you do

Heck Fire -- Mild Expletive for "Hell Fire and Damnation!"

Heered -- Heard

Heffer (Heifer)-- Reference to a Female; a Cow

Hellacious -- Extraordinary or excessive

Helt -- Held

Hep -- Help

Hep Desk -- Technical Support

Heppa -- Great deal of

Herass -- Something not talked about in public

Herbal -- Horrible

Hern -- Belonging to her

Hesh up -- Hush

Hey -- Hello

Hidee -- Hello

High-Falootin' -- High Class; Uppity

Highr'n A Georgia Pine -- Tall; Extremely Drunk

Hire -- How are

Hire You -- How are you

His'n -- Belonging to him

Hisself -- Himself

Hissy Fit -- State of extreme aggravation

Ho -- Lady-of-the-Evening

Hod -- Hard

Hoddernabich -- The Temperature exceeds that of a female canine

Hoedown -- Country dance or term used by police to indicate
that a hooker has been shot

Hogwash -- Nonsense

Holt -- Hold

Hominy -- Question of Quantity or a food made from Corn

Homonym -- What a Group of Homos is Called

Honeymoon -- The Short Time After Marriage that you're too dumb to realize it's not all fun and games (the beginning of death, as we know it)

Hooey -- Nonsense

Hoot -- Yell * or * Something funny

Hopping Mad -- So Angry, you can't keep still

Horned In -- To Butt In

Horny -- Lookin' fer a good time

Horsefeathers -- Nonsense

Horse Sense -- Possessing Common Knowledge

Horspittle -- Hospital

Hoss -- Horse

Hot -- Heart

Hotter'n Blue Blazes -- Extremely Hot (even for a Southerner

Hot Under The Collar -- Mad

Hot and Heavy -- Involved: "They was seein' each other hot and heavy fer about a year"

Hot Wire -- What to Do To Your Car When You've Lost The Key

How do -- Hello

Howscome -- Why?

Hullabaloo -- Party; Wingding, Shindig

Humdinger -- Something really special

Humumguz -- Humongous

Hunker -- Stoop Down -- I hunkered down afore I shot that deer.

Hunkey Dorey/Hunky Dory -- OK; Acceptable

Hunnerd -- Hundred

Hush yo mouf -- Stop talking (usually said with pleased embarrasment)

Hushpuppies -- Deep-Fried Round Clumps of Cornmeal, usually Served with Catfish and/or Greens (Mustard, Collard, or Turnip)

Hyeru -- How are you

I

I' don't care -- Yes, I would like some

Ibedun -- I have -- "Ibedun gone to town twice today."

Ibet -- I'll bet

Ice -- Your butt

Ideal -- Idea

I Declare ! -- Expression of Bewilderment

Idear -- Idea

Idee -- Idea

Idjut -- Idiot; Bill Clinton

Idnit -- Isn't it ?

Idun -- I have

I Feel Like I Could Wring Your Neck -- I'm Mad At You

Iffen -- If

If That Don't Take The Cake -- If That Don't/Doesn't Beat All; Expression of Bewilderment

If That Don't Beat All -- Expression of Bewilderment

If you don't like it, you can just lump it -- Too Bad. Deal with it

Ignernt -- Uninformed

I'll Swan -- I Swear

I'll Just Be John Brown -- I'll Be Damned

Inishiate -- Initiate

Injun -- Motor or Indian

Inna -- Opposite of outer

Innerduce -- Introduce

Innernet -- Cyberspace * or * where a female catches fish.

Innersekshun -- Point where two roadways meet

Inpatickler -- In Particular

Insteda -- Instead of

Intar -- Entire

In The Family Way -- Pregnant

I-O-No -- I don't know

Ire -- Hour

Ispecked -- I expect

Isy -- Idea

It Ain't Over 'Till the Fat Lady Sings -- It's Not Complete

Itch -- It's

It'll Do You Good And Help You Too -- Something that's beneficial or good for you

It's Better to have your enemies inside the tent pissin' out, than outside pissin' in -- Choose your enemies (and friends) carefully

Itsa -- It's a. . .

Itsy Bitsy -- Little

Izit -- Is it

Izzatso -- Is that so ?

J

Jack Sh*t -- Click on the Name to Find Out

Jake-Leg -- Self-taught: "That old Jake-Leg preacher ate all the fried chicken."

Jawjah -- Where 'Lanta is located

Jay-id -- Elly Mae Clampett's paw

Jayul -- Jail

Jeat Yet -- Did you eat yet ?

Jeet -- Did you eat?

Jerassitch -- Hemorrhoids or a name of a park in one of those Dinosaur movie

Jever -- Did you ever ?

Jew -- You

Jewantoo -- Do You Want To ?

Jewish -- Do you Wish ?

Jeyat -- Jet

Jin-u-wine -- Real

Joggerfee -- Study of the earth's Surface

John -- Outhouse, toilet

Joint -- Place to eat or a tavern

Juantsamore -- Do you want some more?

Juhear -- Did you hear ?

Juicy -- Did you see?

Juke Box -- Coin-Operated Record Player

Juke Joint -- Place to eat, usually with a live band

Julry -- Jewelry

Jumpin' Jehosaphat -- Good Gosh/Golly

Junior-- Name of Half of the Southern male population

Jury -- Jewelry

Just a Cotton Pickin' Minute -- Wait A Minute

K

Kage -- Container for animals

Kang -- Elvis

Kanyption (Canyption) -- A Fit or Seizure

Kayut -- Cat

Keep Your Eyes Peeled/Pealed -- To Keep Close Watch

Keep YOur Shirt On/Keep Your Drawers On -- Be Calm or Patient

Kick the Bucket -- Die

Kick the Sh*t out of Someone -- To Beat Up; if taken literally, you'd better wear boots

Kiled -- Coiled

Kilt -- Killed

Kin -- Relatives

Kinda -- Kind Of

Kinely -- Acting courteous

Kittle -- Kettle

Klane -- Clean

Knock on Wood -- Superstition to ward off evil consequences, or to bring good luck

Knowwhaddamean -- Do you know what I mean ?

Knuckle Sandwich -- What Someone Receives When You Hit Them With Your Fist

Koon -- Racoon

Korea -- Career

Korn -- Corn

Kudzu -- Green Vine-like Plant

Kumin -- Come in

Kummin up a cloud -- Storm approaching

Kumon -- Come on

Kumpny -- Company

Kurant -- Swift Water

Kware -- Quaint

Kwatter -- Quarter

L

Lamanade -- Lemonaid

Lamanate -- Laminate

Land's Sakes ! -- Expression of Bewilderment

Land-'O-Goshen -- Goodness Gracious

Lanta ('Lanna) -- Large City Located in Jawjah

Lardass -- Fat

Laughed So Hard I Like To Have Died -- Incessant Laughter

Law -- Police (PO-Leece)

Lawst -- Lost

Laying Out -- Staying out: "He wouldn't have been arrested if he hadn't been laying out all night"

Lay-um -- Small Wooly animal (a.k.a. Sheep)

Learned -- Taught

Lease -- Opposite of Most

Lectric -- Electric

Lef -- Opposite of Right

Left Holding the Bag -- Blamed for Something

Lektrisity -- Electricity

Lernt -- Learned

Lesbianuther -- Let's be another (fooled you, didn't I ?)

Lesson -- "Lesson I git my bills paid, I'z gonna be broke"

Let on -- To indicate knowledge of

Left Off -- Dropped Off

Let the Cat Out of the Bag -- Disclose a Secret

Lettar -- Letter

Libel -- Likely to

Liberry -- Library

License Plate -- Car Tag

Lick -- A Blow

Licking/Lickin' -- Whipping; Spanking

Lickety Split (Lickedy-Split) -- Extremely Fast

Liddlebiddy -- Small

Life of Riley -- The Good Life; Having Everything You Desire

Light/Lite Bread -- Store-bought, pre-sliced bread

Like Sh*t Through A Goose -- Used To Depict Something Moving Rapidly; Diarrhea

Likker -- Whiskey

Lil' Lady -- Wife

Lilack -- Lie like (See Bill Clinton -- I NEVER had sex with Ms. Lewinsky)

Lilly-Livered -- Afraid; Cowardly

Limber'n a Dishrag -- Extremely limp

Line -- Lion

Lit out -- Took off

Lite Out -- Take off

Little-Bitty -- Small

Living a Dog's Life -- Lazy, well-fed OR Worked to Death (actually can mean either, according to the context)

Loaded -- To Have A Lot of Money; To Be Drunk

Loadin' the Dishwasher -- Gettin' your wife/girlfriend drunk

Lock, Stock, and Barrel -- Whole Thing; Complete

Lolly Gag -- To Fool Around or to Waste Time

Long Arm of the Law -- Another word for Extradition (You Can Run, But You Can't Hide)

Loomnum -- Aluminum

Loose as a Goose -- Limber; Drunk

Loove -- Museum in Paris

Lore -- Opposite of Higher

Lot -- Opposite of Heavy; Opposite of Dark

'Loud -- Allowed

Low Class -- Makin' change in the Church's collection plate

Lower 40 -- Field -- Formerly named after acreage given to
sharecroppers and settlers.

Lowered -- The Almighty

Lyndon (Lenden) -- Lending

M

Drankin' Glass Fer Kumpny

Mad As A Baptist Preacher in A Whorehouse -- Self-Explanatory

Mad As A Hornet -- Extremely Agitated and Angry

Mad As An Old Wet Hen -- Extremely Mad

Mad as Far -- Really upset

Mad As Hell -- Even Hotter

Mah -- My

Mahsef -- Myself

Mahtearyul -- Material

Make Ends Meet -- To Get By, usually in reference to money

Make No Bones About It -- To Be Certain

Make Yo' mark -- become important or to sign your name

Make Up -- To Reconcile

Mall -- 5,280 feet

Mamanym -- Let's go see mamanym.

Mamaw -- Grandmother

Mare -- City Leader

Marika -- America

Markin' -- U.S. Citizen

Mash -- Press

Mass -- Rodent -- I saw Mitey Mass on TV this Mornin'

Mast -- Mashed

Mater -- Tomato

Mater Sammich -- Tomato Sandwich

Maw -- Mother

Mawce -- Moss

Mawdlin -- Displaying -- That Crawford gal shore is a mawdlin fool !

Mawl -- Large Shopping center

Mayo -- Mail

Mayter -- Tomato

May-uree -- Mary

Mazin Grass -- Beautiful Hymn

Meals on Wheels -- Roadkill

Mean'r A Snake -- Extremely Mean

Medium -- Median (of a highway)

Meemaw -- Great Grandmother

Meer -- Mirror

Meer -- Come here

Meerfuraminit -- Come here for a minute

Meese -- More than one mouse or moose

Merlin -- Northeastern state (eg: Baltimore, Merlin)

Mess -- Large quantity of; Disorganized

Messa -- Mess of

Mightly -- Mighty

Might Near -- Close; Almost

Mill -- Meal

Mind -- Obey

Mind Your Beeswax -- Mind Your Own Business

Minent -- 60 Seconds

Minnie -- Large quantity

Mira -- Mirror

MisRiz -- Another way to say Miz

MissHippy -- Mississippi

Mite Could -- Possibly

Miteneer -- Almost

Mitey -- Mighty

Miz -- Married Female

Mizziz -- Still another way to say Miz

Mo -- More

Moanback -- Come on back

Moanin -- Morning

Modem -- More of them

Moeblowm -- Mobile Home

Molasses -- Food made from Sugar Cane * or * blind rodent's butts

Mommanem -- Mama and them -- "I'm gonna go see mommanem tommorey"

Mona -- I'm Going to

Monday a week -- Next Monday

More -- Grass Cuttin' equipment

More Than One Way to Skin A Cat -- Options

Morene -- Marine

Mornlikly -- More than Likely

Moron -- More of someone named Ron (hee hee)

Mosey -- To amble along

Motor -- Engine

Mountain Oysters -- Bull Testicles -- considered a delicacy by some (not the bull, though)

Mr. No Shoulders -- Snake

Muchablige -- Thank You

Mud 'Rasslin -- Event that should be in the next Olympics

Muhrang -- My ring

Mule'n & Pukin' -- Griping about Everything

Munts -- Months

Murricun -- American

I'm a Goober, You're a Goober, He's a Goober,
She's a Goober; Wouldn't You Like to be a Goober Too ???

N

Nachrul/Nacherl -- Natural

Nader -- Tornado

Nary or Nairn -- Not any; None

Nascar -- Nice car

Naught -- Zero

Nauseous -- Nauseated

Naw -- No

Nawlins -- New Orleans

Nawth -- Wrong Direction

Nawthurn -- Northern

Nearbout -- Close To; Almost: "I nearbout died when I heard the news"

Neck of the Woods -- Homeplace or Local Vicinity.

Nekkid -- Not wearing any clothes

Never Knew What Hit 'Em -- Surprised; No Warning

New-q-lar -- Nuclear

Nex -- Next

Nick of Time -- At the Last Possible Moment

N*gger -- Extremely Inflammatory and Derogatory Term, usually applied to the Black Race (Ed. Note: I hope we've grown past this)

N*gger-Rigged -- Jury-Rigged, Jerry-Rigged, Done Halfway -- Inflammatory and Derogatory Term (only used for reference)

N*gger Toes -- Chocolate Creme Drops, normally eaten at Christmas and other Holidays -- Derogatory Term (only used for reference

Night Night -- Common Phrase said to Children at bedtime (usually goes: "Night Night, Sleep Tight")

Nisshells -- Initials

Nitty-Gritty -- Resolve; the heart of the matter

No Bigger'n A Tater Bug -- Tiny (usually refers to young children)

No 'Count -- Worthless; Of No Account; No Good

No Good -- Worthless

Nope -- No

Notbout to -- No Intention of

Notion -- Decision or Idea

N-sod -- Inside

Nuh-uh -- No

Nuthun/Nuttin -- Nothing

O

Oakree -- Okra

Odyssey -- Ought to See -- "You odyssey the fish I caught!"

Off The Wagon -- Drinking Again

Old As The Hills -- Extremely Old

Old Biddy -- Old Nosy Woman

Old Fart -- Term of Endearmant for older person, or a nice way to call someone an old As*hole

Old Timey -- Old-Fashioned

Oldtimer's -- Alzheimer's Disease

Ole Cuss -- Onery person

On In -- In -- "I'll be on in there in a minute."

On Pins And Needles -- Anticipation; Nervousness

On Up In Here/There -- "Ya'll need some more help up in there?"

Onadem (Onadim)-- One of them

Once In A Blue Moon -- Infrequently

One Another -- Each Other

One Brick Shy of a Load -- Stupid

One In The Oven -- Pregnant

One Sandwich Shy of a Picnic -- Stupid

Onlyest -- Only

Onner (On-ah) -- Honor

On the Ball -- On Time or Current

Opreyland -- Opryland

Opsit -- Completely Different

Ornery -- Stubborn

Orta -- Ought to

Osborne -- I was born

Ought not -- Shouldn't

Ourn -- Ours

Out Of Whack -- Broken

Out Of Kilter -- Crooked or Broken

Outbuildin' -- Detached Structure

Outhouse -- Detached bathroom; privvy, toilet

Out Of It -- Disoriented; Preoccupied

Outta -- Out of

Ovare -- Over there

Over by the Dodd house -- Go to the left

Over My Dead Body! -- Not If I Can Help It !

Over Yonder -- Over there

Overneath -- Over

Own -- Opposite of off

Ownna -- Going to

Owonna -- I want a . . .

Oz -- I was

P

Armadillo -- Possum on the Half-Shell

Pa -- Pie

Pacific -- Specific

Pacifier -- Past the fire

Pack -- Carry

Paints -- Article of clothing -- I got me sum new Levi paints

Pallet -- Pilot

Pallet -- Bed on the Floor

Panhandle -- To Beg For

Pank -- Pink

Papaw -- Grandfather

Pappy -- Your daddy's other name

Par -- Energy; Excessive Infulence -- Par to the People

Paramour -- Power Mower

Parmor -- Powered lawn mower

Parts -- Neighborhood

Passel -- Large Quantity Of; Bunch

Paste board -- Cardboard

Paw -- Father

Pay-ette -- Pet

Pea-Brained -- Silly; Stupid; Dumb

Peak-ed -- Sickly or pale

Peeanner -- Piano

Peepaw -- Great Grandfather

Peers -- Appears

Pegs -- Pigs

Penny One -- Having Nothing; impoverished

Peppuh -- Seasoning

Pert -- Well

Pert Near -- Close or nearly -- "He pert near shot his foot off"

Petered Out -- Tired or exhausted

Petticoat -- Woman's Slip

Phrasin -- Freezing

Pianner (Pie anna) -- Piano

Pick 'em-up truck -- pickup truck

Pickchur -- Reproduction of the original

Picked Up -- Arrested or To Gain

Pickin' & Sangin' -- Makin' music, Southern Style

Piddle Around -- Waste Time

Pig Out -- Eat too much; to gorge

Pig Pen -- A Messy Room or House: "You'll Have To Excuse Me. My House Looks Like A Pig Pen"

Piller/pillar -- Pillow

Piller Slip -- Pillow Slip

Pipin' Hot -- Extremely Hot, as in cooking

Pitcher -- Picture

Pitza -- Pizza

Pizen -- Poison

Plain-Spoken -- Honest

Play Like -- Pretend

Play-it -- Serving Device

Play It By Ear -- To Respond To Circumstances As They Arise

Play Second Fiddle -- To Be Second In Importance

Pleeze -- Please

Plight -- "It ain't plight to point."

Plum -- Completely

Plum Nelly -- Nearly

Plumb -- Completely: "I was Plumb tuckered-out when I got home"

Plumb Tuckered -- Tired or "Wo Out"

Po' -- Poor

Poca -- Polka

Poet -- Pour it

Poke -- Meat from hogs

Poke salad (Polk Salad) -- Southern edible plant

Polecat -- Skunk; unlikeable person (see Bill Clinton)

Poleece -- Officer of the Law

Ponder -- To Think About

Poot -- Pass Gas -- Something Southern Women WILL admit to (see Fart)

Pop -- Your Dad, or what Yankees call a Coca-Cola

Pore -- Poor; Not a Penny One

Pore/Po' House -- Poorhouse

'Posed -- Supposed

Possum -- Opossum (the OTHER white meat)

Possum on the half-shell -- Armadillo
Pot Likker (Pot Liquor) -- Turnip Green Juice

Preshade -- Show Gratitude

Preshadit -- Appreciate it

Preshate -- To express gratitude

Primary Colors -- John Deere Green, Ford Blue, Primer Gray

Prior -- Prayer

Prit-near -- Close to

Privates -- Genitalia

Probbley (Prolly) --Probably

Probly -- Probably

Puddin' -- Pudding or term of endearment

Pulling Your/My Leg -- Joking

Pull Strings -- Use Influence

Pull The Woll Over Someone's Eyes -- Deceive Or Mislead Someone

Punkin' -- Pumpkin

Puppit -- Pulpit

Purt Near -- Very Close

Purtneer -- Almost

Purt Nye -- Almost

Purty/purdy -- Pretty

Put Me Through The Wringer -- Worked hard; Overworked

Put out -- Upset; or to succumb to sex

Put Out or Get Out -- Common Dating Ritual, involving girls and automobiles (Just Joking)

Puttin' on the Dog -- Showing-Out, Dressed to Kill; Bragging

Puttin' Me On -- Fooling Me or Joking With Me

Put Your Foot In Your Mouth -- To Say Something You Later Regret

Q

Quackaprakter -- Chiropractor

Quite -- Quiet

R

Skunk (Species =  Governmentus Agentus)

Racehorse -- Resource

Racket -- Noise

Raffle -- Firearm

Raggedyass -- Dilapidated

Raht -- Right

Rainin' Cats and Dogs -- Excess

Rainin' To Beat The Band -- See Raining Cats and Dogs

Raise Sand -- To Express Anger

Raisin' -- Upbringing

Raisin (#2) -- Reason

Raisin' A Rucus -- Causing Trouble

Rambunctious -- Unruly

Ran/Running Like A Scalded Dog -- In a Hurry

Ranch -- Tool

Ranch -- Tool

Rang -- Finger Jewelry

Rasslin -- Wrestling

Rasslin -- Fake sport for suckers

Ratcheer -- Right here

Ratcheer/Rye Cheer -- Right Here

Rat-Killin' -- One's own business; small chores or jobs

Rats -- Rights

Rats -- Rights

Ratsass -- Rodent's Rectum; Measurement of Concern
-- "I Don't Give a Ratsass if she's yo' mama."

Rawzun -- Resin

Ray-ed -- One of the colors on the American Flag

RC Cola -- Soft drink; compliment to a Moon Pie

Real McCoy -- The Real Thing; Not Fake

Reckon -- Guess; Believe

Recollect -- Remember

Reconnoiter -- Recon I 'oughta -- "I reconnoiter go to work."

Red -- What you did to a book

Red or Green Light -- Traffic Signal

Redeye Gravy -- Southern Delicacy

Reel -- Real

Reel Dum -- Can't pass a urine test

Reeyul -- Not fake

Reezun -- Reason

Rek -- Wreck

Rekun -- Intent or supposition

Rernt -- Ruined

Retard -- Quit work at age 65

Retch -- To grasp for

Revenoor -- Tax man (IRS)

Rigamarole (Rigmarole) -- Confused, rambling, or nonsense

Right As Rain -- Something that Feels Proper or Comfortable

Right Smart -- Large amount

Rile -- To Make Mad: "He got me all riled up"

Rilly -- Really

Rinkle -- Wrinkle

Rited -- Wrote

Robert E. Lee -- 16th President of the U.S.

Rode Hard And Put Up Wet -- Worked Hard and Given No Credit For It

Roe v. Wade -- Decision to make when crossing a creek

Rool -- Rural

Roon -- Ruin

Roont -- Damaged beyond repair; spoiled, ruined

Rot -- Opposite of Left

Rotten to the Core -- Bad to the Bone; Unacceptable Behavior

Rough As A Cob -- Unrefined; inexperienced (also see Green Behind The Ears)

Roundtuit -- Finding time to accomplish set goals

Rthritis -- Arthritis

Rum -- Enclosure with a door (usually)

Rumatizm -- Rheumatism

Rume -- Room

Runs -- Diarrhea

Run Around With -- Be Friends With

Runt Outa Gas -- Run out of gas: "Well Sallie, I Done Runt Outa Gas"

Rurnt/Ruint -- Ruined -- See "Roont"

Rut -- Root

S

Saar -- Sour

Saint -- Sent

Salary -- Salad Vegetable

Sam Hill -- Bewilderment: "What in the Sam Hill Am I Going To Do?" (Means: What in the Hell?)

Sandy/Sanny Claws -- Santa Claus

Sangin' -- Singing

Santone -- San Antonio, Texas

Sarry -- Sorry

Sashay -- To Glide Gracefully, or with Pride

Sassin' -- Talking Back To; arguing with

Saunter -- To Wander

Sawker -- Soccer

Sayud -- Said

Scales -- Skills

Scarce as Hen's Teeth -- Hard to Find

Scared The Living Daylights/Sh*t Out Of Me -- Extremely Frightened

Scared Sh*tless -- Extremely Frightened

Scared to Death -- Extremely Frightened

Schoolin' -- Education

Screw Up -- To Mess Up; To Get Married

Screwed Up -- Confused

Scupter -- Sculpture

Scuse -- Excuse

Sebenty Seben -- 77

Sebmup -- The Uncola

See a Man About A Dog -- Excuse to leave (usually to the bathroom)

Seed -- Past tense of see

Seenrey -- Scenery

Seller -- Cellar or basement

Sellid -- Salad

Sensuous -- Since you was

Set -- Sit

Set a Spell -- Sit down until you're rested

Shabby -- Not Made Well

Shainteer -- She's Not Here

Shake a Stick At -- Abundance: "He had more money than he could shake a stick at"

Shat -- Past tense of "Sh-e-e-i-t-t" -- "Last nat, my dog shat on the flo"

Shaur/shar -- Shower -- It come a shaur this afternoon

Sh-e-e-i-t-t -- Golly

Sheenry -- Machinery

Shindig -- Party; Wingding; Hullabaloo

Shine -- (1) Moonshine or (2) taking a fancy to

Shinola -- Something that people don't know Sh*t from

Sh*t Load -- Massive Quantities Of

Sh*t-Eatin' Grin -- Self-Explanatory

Sh*tty -- Not Good

Sh*thook -- Basically, an As*hole

Sho -- Sure

Sho' Nuff -- Sure Enough

Shook Up -- Agigated or Upset

Shoot/Sh*t Far/Fire -- Exclamation

Shoddy -- Not Made Well; Poor Workmanship

Shoot ! -- Expression of Disappointment

Shore -- Sure

Shot at and Hit, Sh*t At and Hit -- Even worse than above

Shot at and Missed, Sh*t At and Hit -- Tired, or feeling of inadequacy

Shotty -- Shoddy

Shote -- Not long

Shot/Shoot Off -- Blurted Out: "He had to go and shoot off at the mouth about the secret"

Shovelay -- GM Automobile

Show -- Movie

Show-Off -- Someone that Draws A Lot Of Attention To Themselves

Shucks ! -- Golly

Shudenaughter -- Shouldn't Ought To

Shurf -- Sheriff

Silly As A Goose -- Stupid

Simular -- Similar

Sinkin' Spell -- State of Depression or Loss of Energy

Sinner -- Middle of

Skeered -- Scared

Skeeter -- Mosquito

Skews -- Excuse

Skittish / Skiddish -- Nervous

Skivvies -- Underwear

Skoo -- School

Skoo -- School

Skrane -- Bug-resistant window covering

Skull Orchard -- Cemetery

Skwinta -- Let's go into

Skwurl -- Small rodent-like creature that lives in trees

Slap Happy -- Overcome With Joy; Of Good Nature

Sleep Tight

Sleepers -- Pajamas

Slicker'n an Eel -- Extremely Slick/Slippery

Slicker'n Owl Sh*t -- Pretty Slick (I Guess)

Slop Jar -- Chamber Pot

Smack Dab -- Middle of

Smahl -- Small

Smarts -- Hurts

Smatter -- What's the Matter ?

Smawt -- Opposite of dumb

Smayhl -- Smell

Snob -- Conceited; Stuck-Up

Snoot-full -- Drunk; A Large Quantity of Consumed Liquor

Snooty -- Stuck-Up

Snort -- Drink of Liquor

Snort-full -- See Snoot-full

'Snot -- It's Not: "I thought it was a booger, but 'Snot

Snotty -- Upper-Class (or acting that way)

Sodie (Sodey) -- Soft Drink

Sodie Pop -- Southern prounciation for northern definition of a Coca-Cola

Sommin -- Something

Somndeat -- Something to eat: What smatter? I smayl sommin.
Ibet it's somndeat!

Son -- Any male to whom one is speaking

Sop -- Soak up -- Get that biskit 'n sop up them molasses

Sorry -- No good or untrustworthy

Sot -- Habitual Drunkard

So Tired, I Can't See Straight -- Exhausted

Souse -- Pickled pig parts; also a drunk

Soused -- Drunk

South -- The only direction to go; Where God lives

Sow Your Wild Oats -- To Get Something Out Of Your System (usually childhood or teenage years)

Spa -- Spy

Sparkin' -- Kissing; Dating

Spatial -- Special

Spearmint -- Experiment

Spect -- Expect, suppose or imagine

Spell -- A while; dizziness

Speshul -- Special

Speshuly -- Especially or particularly

Spiled Rotten -- Children that get their way

Spittin' Image -- Incredible similarity

Spitting Image (Spittin' Image) -- Exact Likeness

Splain -- (1) Explain; (2) spleen

Splode -- Explode

Spodder -- Spider

Spoil -- To Overindulge a Child, or to ruin

Spoil-Sport -- Someone that Ruins a Surprise

Spook -- Ghost

Sprankul -- Sprinkle

Square Dance -- Favorite Dance in the South

Squarsh -- Vegetable; to flatten

Steal My/Your Thunder -- To Take Credit or Be Recognized in Some Way for Something Someone Else Does

Stick-In-The-Mud -- Boring; Unimaginative

Stob -- Stake, Stick -- "He stuck a stob in his foot."

Stool Pigeon -- Fool used as a decoy or an informant

Stoop -- Step or Porch

Story -- Fib or lie

Stove up -- Stiff

Straighten Up And Fly Right -- Settle Down and Pay Attention

Strut Your/My Stuff -- To Show Off; To Brag; To Show Off One's Possessions With Great Fanfare

Struttin' Like A Rooster in A Hen House -- To Walk Around acting as if you know it all

Stuck-Up -- Snobbish; Conceited

Sudden -- Southern

Sudden -- Southern

Sugar -- Kiss

Sully -- Ruin

Sumbich -- Son of a mother dog *or* the total of 2 ex-wives

Sumbody -- Someone

Sumkinda -- Some kind of

Summers else -- Somewhere else

Sumose -- Some of Those

Sumpum' -- Something

Sumpumdeat -- Something to eat

Sunday-Go-To-Meeting Clothes -- Suit and Tie

Suphose -- Suppose

Supper -- What Yankees call Dinner; in the South, Supper occurs after 6:00 p.m.

Surfent -- Serpent

Surfunt -- One o'dem snakes

Surp -- Syrup

Sweet on -- Really likes; taking a romantic interest in someone

Sweet milk white (regular) milk

Sweet tater -- Sweet Potato

Sweetie -- Your Better Half; your love interest

Sweet Tea -- Cold Tea with Sugar -- this is a given in the South, unless you ask for unsweetened tea

Swig -- Small drink of -- "Gimme a swig of that RC, Billy Joe."

T

Tabacka/terbackky -- Tobacco

Tacky -- Unfashionable; Graceland

Taint -- It ain't/isn't

Take A Gander -- To Peek At or to Look At

Take a shine to -- To start to like; to show interest in

Take On -- Behave in a highly emotional manner

Tal -- Towel

Talkin' at you -- Talking to you

Tamper -- City in Florida

Tankee -- Thank You

Tar -- Tire

Tar Arns -- Tire Irons

Tara (Terra) -- Terror

Tard/Tarred -- Needing rest

Tarms -- Terms

Tarnader/Tar-nadir/Tornader -- Tornado

Tarrapin -- Terrapin (Land turtle)

Tater -- Potato

Tchaikovsky's William Tell Overture -- That "Lone Ranger" Song.

Tee-Totaler -- Someone that is On The Wagon (Not A Drinker) T'em -- Tim

Teed Off -- Pissed Off

Tensy -- Tennessee -- Home of Graceland (see tacky)

Terbakkie -- Tobacco

Terms of Endearment -- Sugar Pie, Sugar Dumplin,' Honey Pie, Baby Lamb, Doll Baby, Sweetie Pie, Honeybunch, Sugah, Sugar Baby, Puddin, Punkin, Sweet Thang, Purdy Thang, Darlin,'

Tewerbus -- Tour Bus -- I tooka one o' dem tewerbus trips to Opreyland

Texas -- Annual governmental blood donation -- Due April 15th

Thang -- Thing

Thank -- Think

Thar -- There

Thars -- Theirs

That Dog Won't Hunt -- That Idea Is All Wrong

That Just Came Off A Fire -- That's Hot

The Devil to Pay -- Punishment (see The Wife)

The Douse -- The Devil

The wife -- My wife or your wife

Thee-Ater-- Theatre

The Runs -- Diarrhea

Them Thar -- Them/Those

Thing-a-ma-jig -- An Object With An Unknown/Forgotten Name; a What-cha-ma-callit

Three Sheets to/in the Wind -- Drunk

Thrit -- Threat

Thud -- Third

Thunderbuster -- Thunderstorm; Rainstorm; etc.

Thunk -- Thought

Tight as Dick's Hatband -- Usually means someone that is a miser, or something extremely tight

Tile -- Towel

Tire -- Tall construction -- eg: Eiffel Tire

Tizzy -- In a Rush; Hurried

To' Up/Tore Up -- Torn Up; distraught

Toad (Tode) -- Told

Tommorey -- Tommorrow

Took -- Contracted -- I tool a cold yestiddy

Tootem/tutem -- Multiplication -- "tootem two equals fo"

Tote -- To Carry

Tough Sh*t -- Too Bad

Towee -- Toy

Trailer -- Mobile Home

Traipse -- Walk Around With No Destination; to Saunter

T-rain -- Terrain

Tree rat -- Squirrel

Tripe -- The rubbery lining of the stomach of cattle, or other animals, used for food

Trussel -- Trestle

Tubafo -- Lumber -- Two by Four (actually 1 1/2" by 3 1/2", but who's counting?)

Tuckered Out -- Exhausted; oftem expressed as "Plumb Tuckered-Out"

Tunamint -- Tournament

Tunnamint -- Tournament

Tuther -- The Other

Twennyfo -- 24

U

Uart -- You ought

Uartto -- You ought to

Uglyr'n The Southbound End of a Northbound Mule -- Extremely Unattractive

Umerka -- America

Unca -- Uncle

Underbritches -- Underwear

Under The Weather -- Sick; Not Feeling Well

Up To Snuff -- Current; Up To Standard

Upchuck -- Vomit

Up North -- Anyone From A State other than one of the Original Confederate States; North of the Mason-Dixon Line

Uppity -- Egotistical

Upside of -- Alongside of

Ural -- Your oil

Urine -- Yours

Urup -- Europe

Utcha doon -- What are you doing?

V

Varmint -- Environment; also Vermin, Critter

Vermuch -- Very Much

Vertigo -- Far to go?

Viagra -- Those Falls you go to on a honeymoon

View -- Have You ?

Virgin -- Ugliest girl in the 4th Grade

Vitamin -- Invite them in

Vittles -- Food

W

Waffle -- Wife will

Wagner's Ride of the Valkyrie -- "Kill the Wabbit, Kill the Wabbit.

Waif -- Female Spouse

Wail -- A hole in the ground where you get your wotta

Walkin' On A Slant -- Drunk

Waller (Wallow) -- To roll around (usually in mud)

Wallop -- To Hit With A Heavy Blow

Waltz Right In -- Barge In Unnanounced; To Interrupt

Wanna -- Want to?

Wannabe -- Want to be?

War -- Wire

War (#2) -- Where

Warsh -- Wash

Wast -- Wasp

Wauld -- Untamed

Wayup -- High in the sky

Wear you out -- Spank

We'll be talkin' atcha -- I'll see you soon

Well, I Ain't Never -- Expression of Bewilderment

Well, I'll Be -- Expression of Bewilderment

Well, I'll Just Be Deuce -- Well, I'll Just Be Damned

Wender (Winder) -- Window

Whajeetin -- What are you eating ?

Whallago -- While Ago

What The Deuce

What The Devil

What The Dickens -- What the Hell? or What the Devil?

What'cha -- What do you

What-cha-ma-callit -- Object With An Unknown/Forgotten Name; A Thing-a-ma-jig

When Pigs Fly -- Usually The Day I'll Become A Millionaire; Not Likely to Happen

Whoamun -- Woman

Whole Ball Of Wax -- See Whole Nine Yards

Whole Kit and Kaboodle -- Complete; All; Everything; All the Amenities or Options

Whole Nine Yards -- Complete; Whole

Whop ya upside yore haid -- Hit you in the head

Whup -- Whip; also meaning "To Prepare": "I whupped up a mess o' Greens fer dinner"

Whuppin' -- Spanking; Beating

Whup the Tar Out Of -- To Spank or Beat Excessively

Whut -- What ?

Widder -- Widow

Wild Cat -- Bobcat; Lynx

Winder -- Window

Wingding -- Party; Shindig; Hullabaloo

Winsky -- Famous intern wannabe

Wo' Out -- Exhausted

Wonadim (Wonadem) -- One o' Them

Wongo -- Want to go?

Wonna -- Want To ?

Woosh -- Wish

Wore Out -- Exhausted

Work Cut Out For You -- You Have A Lot Of Work To Do

Workin up a Storm -- Very Busy

Wranch -- Hand Tool

Wrench -- To Wash Off

Wrong Side of the Bed -- Grumpy; Argumentative

Wrong Side of the Law -- Criminal Intent

Wrong Side of the Tracks -- Not Accepted By Soiety; Criminal Intent

Wrung Out -- Exhausted

Wuf-- Wild member of the dog family

Wunnerin -- Wondering

Wyahlbdamud -- "Well, I'll be damned !"

Wy'd Urp -- Wyatt Earp

Y

Ya -- You

Yacht (Yatta)-- You ought to

Yale -- Yell

Y'all -- You all -- Everyone reading this

Yaller/Yeller -- Yellow

Y'alls -- Plural of y'all -- "That's y'alls dog in my front yard

Yankee -- Someone from the north that took a wrong turn and wound up here

Yawntoo -- Do You Want To ?

Yayup -- Yes

Year -- Did you hear ?

Year -- Years

Years -- Your Ears

Yeatiz -- Yes it is

Yep -- Yes

Yestiddy -- Day prior to today

Yew -- You

Yewsten -- City in Texas

Y'hear -- Do you hear?

Yoncha -- Why Don't You ?

Yonder -- There; Not Here

Yonduh -- Over there

You Ain't Just Whistlin' Dixie -- You're Not Joking

You All/Y'all/Youens -- Everyone

You Think YOur Feet/Sh*t Don't Stink -- You think you're always right; Someone who thinks they are more important than others

You'll Catch Your Death of Cold -- You'll Be Sick

Young'uns -- Children

Youngn'ses -- All the Children

Yourin' -- Yours or You're

Yup -- Yes

Yup -- You up?

Yurp -- Overseas from the U.S.; Europe

Z

Zackly -- Precisely

Zat -- That

Zat Rot -- Is that right ?

Zekativ -- Executive

Zit -- Is It?: "Zit the one you was tellin' me 'bout?

Like...Uh-Uh-Uh. . .YANKEE GO HOME, or Something !!!

Things A TRUE Southerner Knows:

The difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit

Pretty much how many fish make up a mess

What general direction a cattywumpus is

That "gimme some sugar" don't mean "pass the sugar."

When somebody's "fixin'" to do something, it won't be long.

How good a cold grape Nehi and cheese crackers are at a country store

Knows what "Well, I Suwannee!!" means

A good dog is worth its weight in gold

The War of Northern Aggression was over state's rights, not slavery

When "by and by" is

How to handle their "pot likker"

The difference between "pert near," "a right far piece," and "right over yonder"

The difference between a Redneck, a Good 'Ol Boy, and Trailer Trash"

Never go snipe hunting twice

At one point learned what happened when you swallow tobacco juice

Never to assume that the other car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn

You may wear long sleeves, but you should always roll 'em up past the elbows

You should never loan your tools, pick-up, or gun to nobody

A belt serves a greater purpose than holding Daddy's pants up

Rocking chairs and swings are guaranteed stress relievers

Rocking chairs and swings with an old person in them are history lessons waitin' to happen

Things You PROBABLY Won't Hear A Southerner Say

We don't keep firearms in this house.

You can't feed that to the dog.

I thought Graceland was tacky.

No kids in the back of the pickup; it's not safe.

Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

We're vegetarians.

Do you think my hair is too big?

I'll Have grapefruit, instead of biscuits and gravy.

Honey, do these Bonsai trees need watering?

Give me the small bag of pork skins.

Deer heads detract from the decor.

Spittin's such a nasty habit.

Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.

(By the way, this is PROOF that Elvis is dead.
If he didn't come back when Lisa Marie married Michael Jackson,
you can bet he ain't alive!)

I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

Trim the fat off that steak.

Cappuccino tastes better than expresso.

The tires on that truck are too big.

I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.

I've got it all on a floppy disk.

Unsweetened tea tastes better.

Would you like your fish poached or broiled?

My fiancee, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

Little Debbie snack cakes have too many grams of fat.

She's too old to be wearing that bikini.

"Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin'."

Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

I don't have a favorite college team.

I believe you cooked those green beans too long.

Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.

Elvis who?

Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.

Checkmate.

Honey, would you please pass the caviar?

Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?

I'll have one of my servants fetch my Rolls.

A 12 gauge slug is a little too big for huntin' squirrels.

"That Rebel Flag in my rear window impedes my vision."

I don't own any pigs.

You gonna eat that possum?

What're 'Chitlins?

Oh, I just couldn't.....Hell, she's only sixteen !

I'll take Shakespeare for $1000, Alex.

Duct tape won't fix that.

Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.

Come to think of it, I think I'll have a Heineken.

Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer?

'Rasslin's fake.

Who is Richard Petty?

Do you think my gut's too big?

Honey, we don't need another dog.

Who cares who won the Civil War?

She's too young to be wearin' a bikini ('specially if she's your daughter !).

I'll have a soda pop.

My wife was a virgin when we got hitched.

You Guys.

You All.

I haven't slept with Bill Clinton.

25 Ways To Annoy A Yankee

1. Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING.

2. Pronounce all one-syllable words with two.

3. When giving directions, finish with "it's right down yonder on the left."

4. Talk REAL slow, and ask them to speak slower so you can understand what they're saying.

5. When they talk about how great it is up north, tell them "Delta's ready when you are."

6. Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball.

7. Refer to every soft drink as a Coke; every motorcycle as a "Honder," etc.

8. Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don't have it, raise a rucus.

9. Offer to send them a bottle of fresh air.

10. Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle names (e.g. Lisa Marie, Jim Bob, etc.).

11. Frequently bring up the "War of Northern Aggression" in conversation. If anyone ever says the words "Civil War," always interject that "there was nothing civil about it."

12. Address all males as "son" and all females as "little lady."

13. Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For example: "It's "pee-can.""

14. Put Tabasco on everything.

15. For New York Yankees: Act as if the whole state of New York is New York City. In other words, if they say, "Yo, I'm from upstate New Yoik!," say "Well, I'll be, my wife has always wanted to see a Broadway show!"

16. When invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show up with a box of Moon Pies. . .Banana ones.

17. Name all of your children "Bubba."

18. Use the word "reckon" in a sentence.

19. "Mash" buttons. "Cut off" lights. "Carry" the kids to school. "Fetch" something.

20. Never simply "do" something. Always be "fixin to do" something.

21. Tell them you don't have an accent; they do.

22. Be sure to include "yes/no ma'am/sir" in all conversations.

23. Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving directions. "Now go down Jeff Davis Highway and turn left at where the Chevron station used to be. I think they turned it into an Amoco. Or maybe a BP. Anyway, turn right there. . ." "You said left" "Did I? Well, turn left there and follow it until you see a big fish on your left. I remember when that fish used to be on the other side of town. . ."

24. Ask them if its still snowing up North. Then tell 'em you went driving around in your convertible this weekend.

25. Constantly refer to cookin' fat as "that other white meat."

26. Use your best "pick-up line" on northern women -- "Come on out to the smokehouse and cure what ail's me.

27. Call 'em a Yankee. Works every time.

Southern Comfort

If you're from the Northern States and are planning on visiting or moving to the South, there are a few things that you should know to help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles:

1. If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a 12 pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

2. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not buy food at this store.

3. Remember, "ya'll" is singular, "all ya'll" is plural, and "all ya'll's" is plural possessive.

4. Get used to hearing "You ain't from around here, are ya?"

5. You may hear a Southerner say "Ought!" to a dog or child. This is short for "Ya'll oughta not do that!" and is the equivalent of saying "No!"

6. Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either.

7. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," as in "big'ol truck" or big'ol boy." Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

8. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

9. Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.

10. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, ya'll, watch this," stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

11. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

12. When you come upon a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the road, remember that most folks here learn to drive on a John Deere, and that is the proper speed for that vehicle.

13. Do not be surprised to find out that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns and are proficient marksmen. Or that their mammas taught them how to aim.

14. In the South, we have found out that the best way to grow a lush, green lawn, is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

15. If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

Southern Astrology

Most of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes, and it has become obvious that our present astrological signs have served their purpose and that we should get rid of them. When out and about, one can see bulls, and once in a great while, even a ram. Up the street, there may be some twins. The rest of these things are just too obscure. You only see crabs on vacation. There are no lions or scorpions, not many archers, and no water bearers ('cept when the old lady's bloated). Virgins? Towns are not crawling with them either. In the South, we've adopted our own SOUTHERN Astrological Symbols.

OKRA (Dec. 22 - Jan. 20): Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside, and have a natural ability to make people itch to be around you. Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. You're naturally attracted to Butter Beans and Chitlins. Stay away from Moon Pies.

CHITLIN (Jan. 21 - Feb. 19): Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A Chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has lots of seasoning. All Chitlins have the guts it takes to get the job done. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful. Often finding themselves in hot water, they can erupt like Vesuvius. Chitlins are not too sanitary, however, and can often be smelled from a mile away. Because of this, a Chitlin is often the butt of jokes. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra.

BOLL WEEVIL (Feb. 20 - Mar. 20): You have an overwhelming curiousity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you have some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it. You're at home in the South -- the Land of Cotton -- and old times there are not forgotten.

MOON PIE (Mar. 21 - Apr. 20): You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical apearance of Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words here. Your ancestors were well-known to royalty, however, and were often invited into the homes of great leaders - especially members of the Royal Crown. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Or...maybe not.

POSSUM (Apr. 21 - May 21): When confronted with life's difficulties, Possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. Although you're good to "hang around" with, and you always appear with a grin on your face, sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work and you may find your problems actually running you over.

CRAWFISH (May 22 - Jun. 21): Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains; the pool to the golf course; the bathtub to the living room. You tend to be not particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads, even though you often have them buried in the mud.

COLLARDS (Jun. 22 - July 23): Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence with the essence of those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache and choose a Catfish instead.

CATFISH (July 24 - Aug. 23): Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, although one's whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You Catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies, but go well with Okra.

GRITS (Aug. 24 - Sept. 23): Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel, though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs is usually where you'll be found. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well. Although some people think you're too corny, others spend lots of time buttering you up.

BOILED PEANUTS (Sept. 24 - Oct. 23): You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfotunately, those who know you best - your friends and loved ones - may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because, in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that you've got the gas to get you wherever you want to go, and that people will always pull over and stop for you.

BUTTER BEAN (Oct. 24 - Nov. 22): In social settings, always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life and you feel at home, no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies. You have the longest life span of any of the other signs and often you're the oldest fart in the neighborhood.

ARMADILLO (Nov. 23 - Dec. 21): You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with anything about today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're really almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another somewhat kinky mating possibility. When confronted, however, you sometimes tend to withdraw into a little ball, until the trouble goes away.

Warning from the Southern Tourism Bureau

(1). Don't order steak at the Waffle House. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day, so let them cook something they know.

(2). Don't laugh at Southern people's names (Merleen, Bodie, Luther, Ray, Tammy Ann, Maribeth, Inex, etc.). These people have been known to whip a man's ass for less.

(3). Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda. This can lead to a whipping. Down South, it's called Coke. It doesn't make a damn whether it's Pepsi, 7-Up or whatever else; it's a Coke.

(4). Don't show allegiance to any college football team that isn't in the SEC (Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia, etc.). To us, all the others are just a bunch of pansies that play teams like Wyoming.

(5). Don't refer to Southerners as a bunch of hillbillies. We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g.: Welty, Williams, Faulkner, Grisham . . .). We are also better educated, and generally lots nicer. We have plenty of business sense (e.g.: Fred Smith of Fed-Ex, Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally we do have a small lapse in judgment (e.g.: Clinton, Fordice, Duke). We don't care if you think we're dumb because we'll whip your ass.

(6). We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up, spend your money, and get the hell out of here.

(7). Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you're from Ohio. Eat your biscuits like God intended and don't put sugar on your grits.

(8). Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot.

(9). Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we don't give a damn. If you don't like it here, take your ass home.

(10). We don't play lacrosse, hockey, or any of those other sissy northern games, so don't come down here asking the score because we don't give a damn.

(11). We know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we want to and because we can. We don't care if you don't understand what we're saying. All other Southerners do understand what we're saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go home.

(12). If you're visiting Mississippi and we are driving at the speed limit, don't ride on our ass and expect us to get out of the way. We'll just slow down. Mississippi is called "The Hospitality State," and we'll prove it. We'll help load your body into the ambulance after you see what we do to people who ride on our ass.

(13). Last, but not least, DO NOT come down here trying to tell us how to Bar-B-Q. This will get your ass shot. You're lucky we let you come down here period. Question our Bar-B-Q....and go home in a pine box. Southern Pine, that is.

'Nuff Said.

Common Southern Delicacies

[Ed. Note: You can find the meaning to most of these at http://www.allrecipes.com. In case you're wondering...No, I don't eat everything listed here, and not everything listed here is from the South, or grown in the South.]

1. Cornpone -- Cornbread

2. Black Strap/Strop Molasses

3. Sorghum

4. Country-Cured Ham (Hickory-Smoked)

5. Pork Sausage

6. Liver Cheese -- Liver Loaf

7. Squash

8. Bacon

9. Pork Chops

10. Souse

11. Johnny Cakes

12. Onions

13. Beets

14. Radishes

15. Tomatoes

16. Rice Pudding

17. Banana Pudding

18. Tea Cakes

19. Pepper Sauce

20. Chicken and Dumplings

21. Fried Chicken

22. Potted Meat

23. Bologna (try it fried)

24. Deviled Ham

25. Vienna Sausage

26. Corned Beef

27. Baked Ham

28. Mashed Potatoes

29. Yams

30. Sweet Potatoes

31. Polk Salad

32. String Beans (Snap Beans)

33. English Peas (Trellis Peas)

34. Coon Brand Cheese

35. Black Rind Cheese

36. Red Rind Cheese

37. Crawfish

38. Pork and Beans

39. Slaw

40. Potato Salad

41. Turnip Greens/Turnips

42. Collard Greens

43. Mustard Greens

44. Hog Jowls

45. Salt Pork

46. Hominy

47. Grits

48. Fatback

49. Hog Maws

50. Pork Skins

51. Cracklin' Bread

52. Ham Hocks

53. Lard

54. Chitlins

55. Bread Pudding

56. Tripe

57. Hog Brains

58. Pig's Ears

59. Pickled Pig's Feet

60. Deviled Eggs

61. Pickled Eggs

62. Link Sausage

63. Tongue

64. Muscadines (Scupernongs)

65. Persimmons

66. Pears

67. Apples

68. Oranges

69. Bananas

69. Plums

70. Figs

71. Grapes

72. Celery

73. Strawberries

74. Raspberries

75. Blackberries

76. Blueberries

77. Huckleberries

78. Muscadine Wine

79. Elderberry Wine

80. Carrots

81. Barbeque (Pork and Beef -- Ribs, Sausage, etc.)

82. Red Beans And Rice

83. Pecans

84. Peanuts

85. Hickory Nuts

86. Cherries

87. Oats -- Especially Oatmeal

88. Garlic

89. Peaches

90. Chestnuts

91. Buttermilk

92. Fatback

93. Sugar Cane Syrup

94. Okra (boiled or fried)

95. Butterbeans

96. Butterpeas

97. Black-Eyed Peas

98. Pumpkin

99. Sugar Cane

100. Biscuits

101. New Potatoes

102. Irish Potatoes

103. Country Gravy

104. Redeye Gravy

105. Hushpuppies

106. Shrimp

107. Sardines

108. Catfish

109. Perch

110. Bream

111. Bass

112. Corn

113. Cabbage

114. Lettuce

115. Cucumbers

116. Pot Roast

117. Sauerkraut

118. Tabasco Sauce (plenty of it)

119. Pepper of all varieties

120. Mulberry (in jams, jellies, and wine

121. Turkey

122. Beef

123. Lemons 124. Limes

Redneck Medical Terms

Redneck Driving Etiquette

DO NOT lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.

Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can fit in.

When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.

Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.

When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires ALWAYS has the right-of-way.

Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.

John Boy and Billy's Big Show

3-D Courtesy of:
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Come Again

Copyright by Ron Collins. 2011.